The "Indian" Connection

I started this blog for two reasons: one, to have a private space where I could write out our IVF journey. I am hoping that someday when all this is over and I'll revisit these pages, it will serve as a reminder of the thoughts going through my head while we were "living through it". 

I also hope that someday our kids will read some of this and will know us as individuals rather than just "parents" and will inspire them to fight for what they truly dream to achieve. 

The other reason is that I have been following the blogs on the and I haven't come across a single blog written by an Indian. I found this very strange and a little sad. 

I know a lot of couples who are struggling through infertility and a few who have successfully done their IVF, they do connect on sites such as, however most of them don't really come out of their shell and talk about their infertility. In most countries of the world, infertility is a stigma, something bad and something you should not be discussing about, but I feel that in India it is more of a "curse" or at least that is how it it looked upon.

Almost everyone I know would be blaming their inability to have kids to an "evil eye" of a family member or past deeds of the family. This is probably why most of the elders in the family (including my parents) keep it a hush-hush affair. Most of the resolutions for having children are also linked to performing some ritual or pooja and absolutely  nothing scientific. Having faith is different, but hoping that a ritual will resolve your issues and grant you a child is taking the whole issue to an entirely different level.

Even while sitting in the RE's clinic (believe me in my RE's clinic, there are as many as 20 couples at a time waiting for their consultation) everyone avoid's eye contact and no one wants to talk about anything. 

It is strange how in our culture we can talk about bedspreads and wall colors and have the urge to show our latest clothes and accessorize to our closes friends but we are prohibited to share our biggest issues. Especially post marriage, most of us are expected to maintain the family "dignity" by not disclosing some of the ugliest truths of the family, right from domestic abuses to abortions to health issues to infertility. All in the name of family.

I know at least two couples who have been married for close to 6 years and have no children. Trust me, when I say that they are no longer "not planning". I am sure that they have issues having a child of their own, but they never talk about it. They also find it rude if we initiate the conversation and try and reach out to them. I for one, feel like talking about it to them, what are they doing, how are they coping, answering the ever nagging "when are you planning to have a baby" questions and so on, but I fear I will offend them in the process and may lose their friendship forever. 

I hope this blog inspires those who want to share their struggles and reach out to a fellow IF in India. 
P.S: This blog is also anonymous because like I said a lot of my family (this excludes my husband, he is an amazing person!) will not like the fact that I went online with my story. They may consider it to be some kind of bad omen. I don't have the courage to fight them all at the moment. Hopefully someday I'll reveal my real identity and post some wonderful pics to give this blog a face : ).

No comments:

Post a Comment